Once More

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The day I followed the footsteps i heard it's not really easy. I was in the middle of rekindling myself back to where my heart left unbroken. I still fixing some scattered trust issues someone tried to break so easily. I grabbed the needle with my trembling hands even I know stitching that teared-up pieces would not be equal again.

I tried!

Yes, I tried.

I'm eager and determined to be whole again. I blacked out myself to the noise of surroundings and closed my doors. Squinching my eyes shut to the world of insanity. There were times I pricked but I direct myself back to where I started.

Then you came.

The sleepless night and crying scene where I want to beg for another chance, there you are. You awaken my body and soul to a vague uneasiness. Despite of refusing not to care; I became a mind-bending.

I crawl.

I walk.

I run

And I fly.

But I did not succeed.

I did not reach a fraction of beating that desire.

I failed.

You were there trying to win my broken heart.

My head bursting with confusion.

Should I go?

Should I try again?

Again?

Again?

No! Answered my mind.

Give it a try! My heart.

I felt my head explode in one second.

I felt my heart stop and detest me.

I should choose.

And then again, my heart prevails.

It’s not the first time, despite of the overwhelming forewarn; I took one step forward.

I chose to follow you. To follow in the darkness even though it makes me blind and mute.

I summoned a fake smile, until I tried believing myself its okay. Even though it seemed to take all my strength, big time.

I gave my heart wholeheartedly while my mind blows away. I listened to your genuine deceptive words. I dance with you in the middle of uncertainty. I sing my heart out, though my mind screams: that’s enough little girl. Wrenching my body and activated my directional antenna.

My world became a tumbledown shack. I was there reaching you but you refuse to grasp my hand. You turned your back to me as if you never see me bursting into pieces.

You’re cruel.

Just like him.

Just like anybody.

That’s why I trust nobody.

Even myself.

Do you blame me?

You were the one who picked me up. Then, now you throw me out.

I should never follow you from the start. I should listen to my mind. Now, I’m squirming. 

Sitting again weakly on the floor, trying AGAIN to join the anastomosis depart. And once again I became a pathetic fallacy.

Another long night of intimacy with myself.

That’s okay! Murmured my mind. You’ll gonna be okay. Not now, but not ever.

I stand up and leave that room.

Leaving that pieces unstitch.

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